Monday, January 30, 2012

Screening all set!

Well I just got off the phone from scheduling my screening appointment! We are all set for next Monday at 11!

Short and sweet post! Have a good week if I don't post before the appointment!


Saturday, January 28, 2012

Well that didn't take long, did it?

Last week I caught you up on the last 7 months and also shared with you that I had begun looking for new intended parents.

Sunday, the 15th, I went through some surrogacy ads and answered quite a few. By Tuesday I had heard back from everyone I responded to and most of them never made it past the 2nd email. One thing or another wasn't what I was looking for. Also Tuesday, I heard from an agency (Simple Surrogacy) who thought they might have a couple in mind for me. Then my awesome friend and lawyer, Simi, sent my name to two couples she had been talking to. One of them emailed me right away and we started talking via email.

After I got the profile for the couple with Simple, I was browsing around on my surrogate support board and realized the profile I had gotten matched up with a cheery IM from the board, so I started to warm up to their profile and think about them as well as the other couple I was talking to. I kind of "sat" on their profile that night and then the next morning the other IM that Simi sent my name to contacted me by email. It did not take long to realize that this was the very same IM in the profile from Simple and from the board.

I wanted to get to know them both and give both an equal chance, so each time I talked to one, I would ask the other the same questions and try to get a feel for how the journey would go if I were to choose. It was really hard! They were both amazing couples, and I felt I could have chosen either one and had a great journey either way. There were differences in each couple, but not bad ones at all. Just things I needed to think about. One was international and would have been independent, and one was here in the states but was with an agency. I've never worked with an agency, so I really had to think about it.

The couple that the agency sent me had already made plans to come to the Dallas area this week for their medical screening and they asked me and my family to join them for dinner. Whew, what an opportunity! I hadn't quite made up my mind yet, but knew that I would know for sure after the meeting, so I planned to meet them for dinner, and we continued talking. Talking over e-mail was smooth, we got along fantastically, and I absolutely adore her sense of humor.

I didn't have much chance to talk to the other couple as often because of the distance, time change, and they were busy. We did e-mail and answer each others questions alright, but the connection just wasn't the same- perhaps it was that there was a culture difference, perhaps it was the slower communication, or maybe my heart was already telling me something and I wasn't "hearing" it.

On Wednesday I took a day to separate myself from everything, taking time to visualize the journeys and think about everything we'd all talked about. After a lot of prayer, I decided that I couldn't keep talking to the international couple and then I let them know. That was a heartbreaking email to send. But I was at peace about it and thank God for showing me what I truly wanted the journey to be like and helping me decide.

By Friday night we were all so excited to meet up! We had a great time together. My boys were even very well behaved at the restaurant (I'm beaming with pride!). They were so sweet, they brought the boys a bunch of games and some cookies and snacks! We brought them 2 boxes of cake balls, because that's what I do ;) The conversation flowed really well and I enjoyed learning more about them and seeing them together.

At the end of dinner I let her know my decision and she cried!! I didn't mean to make her cry! I am so excited to get to work with her and can't wait to get started. We all gave hugs at the end of the night and took a picture, which I will post here when I make sure it's okay first. So far they're not saying they want to remain anonymous like my other couples were, but I don't want to do anything without first asking.

Anyway, thanks for reading my novel of a story. I think sometimes coincidences really are meant to be paid attention to. In this case, I'm so thankful for the three little coincidences that joined together to help me get started talking with them. I will find out more about getting started this week and update you soon!

Saturday, January 21, 2012

Happy Fall, Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year...

So yeah, it's been a while, and the blog has been moved to a temporary address for now. I am taking steps to create a more permanent address but for now you can find me here.

For the purposes of updating the blog, here are the last 7 months in a nutshell.

July 3rd I started to miscarry. Following the miscarriage, my IM was not to be found. The last time I spoke with her was on the 6th of July after an ultrasound to verify I had lost the baby. I tried to give them time to grieve and gave them a little space. On July 12th I texted to tell my IF happy birthday and got no response. I figured they were just grieving and continued to give them space, but tried to keep in touch at least once a week. So, faithfully, each week I sent an email or text to let them know I was thinking of them and to call me when they were ready to talk.

On Monday July 18th, I decided that my boys and I needed some ocean air, to get away from the heat of Texas, and because I needed time for my heart to heal. I still hadn't heard from my IPs, but I texted them before we left town saying that we were thinking of going through El Paso on our way to California and that if she called me we would head out on I10 and stop and see them. I really just needed to hug her and make sure she was alright. I never heard from them. We ended up going on I40 instead, and got to my home town in California late on the 21st. We stayed almost a week and then headed home. Again, I texted my IM to see if we could stop by on our way home. Still no response, so we went back the same way again, hitting up the Grand Canyon on our way. It was a beautiful trip, and we spent a lot of time seaside and with friends and family I hadn't seen in a few years. It was very helpful for my body and heart's healing.

I continued to try and keep in touch with my IPs, even asked our counselor if she could get in touch with them. Neither of us could.

In October, I got an email from my last IPs asking if I was available then to try again. I was still believing in my heart that I & J just needed some healing time and told J & J that I was not released from my current contract yet and quickly got in touch with the counselor who let I & J know that I was waiting to hear from them about moving forward. They finally called and we talked. They made a lot of promises that day, but then I didn't hear from them again. In November, after finding out there was a bill still unpaid, I did everything I could to close up loose ends, and I terminated our contract.

It was like miscarrying all over again. I thought I would be able to go right back and start looking for new IPs to try again, but every time I thought about it I would be overcome with grief and fear. So I decided to wait until after the holidays to pursue anything. Taking the time for the holidays to not think about it really was a breath of fresh air, and was exactly what I needed to go back into it with a clean heart and without harboring bitterness or resentment about what had happened. I really feel like the grief of everything just hit them really hard and they couldn't get past it. "I"s grandfather had passed away while we were matching and I think maybe losing the baby was too much for her to handle on top of that. I've prayed a lot that I would be able to forgive them and move on and feel like God gave me a little bit of understanding in order to forgive them. I hope the best for them in the future with all my heart.

I started searching again about 10 days ago and am feeling blessed, and hopeful that not all IMs would do things the way "I" did. I've talked to some very wonderful IMs and am considering a couple of them seriously. I don't know what's in store but I'm praying heavily about it, weighing important issues, and discussing every step with my DH.

So if you are reading this now, please pray with me for wisdom, for discernment, and for patience and peace. I know that if I seek first His kingdom all those things are mine, and strive to remember that daily.

I hope you had a blessed 2011 and that 2012 is starting off even better. Much love and hugs from me.