Comfort

<sup>Isaiah 55:8-13 has been a comfort to me this week, so I thought I would share it on my blog. 


8</sup> “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, 
   neither are your ways my ways,” 
            declares the LORD. 
⁹ “As the heavens are higher than the earth, 
   so are my ways higher than your ways 
   and my thoughts than your thoughts. 
¹⁰ As the rain and the snow 
   come down from heaven, 
and do not return to it 
   without watering the earth 
and making it bud and flourish, 
   so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater, 
¹¹ so is my word that goes out from my mouth: 
   It will not return to me empty, 
but will accomplish what I desire 
   and achieve the purpose for which I sent it. 
¹² You will go out in joy 
   and be led forth in peace; 
the mountains and hills 
   will burst into song before you, 
and all the trees of the field 
   will clap their hands. 
¹³ Instead of the thornbush will grow the juniper, 
   and instead of briers the myrtle will grow. 
This will be for the LORD’s renown, 
   for an everlasting sign, 
   that will endure forever.”

Sad News

I don't know really, how many people read my blog, how many people are on my Facebook or surrogate support boards, so if you've seen all this already, I'm sorry. I have to copy and paste because somehow that doesn't hurt quite as bad.

Written on Wednesday:
"I don't understand what happened...
Saturday I woke up feeling off, and called in to work. I stayed home to rest. I stood for a little while to make cake balls and took them to Life Group (bible study) and rested the rest of the evening. Sunday I woke up feeling fine and went to church and took my boys to lunch. As soon as I got home I started cramping. I laid down on our couch from 12-6. At about 4:30 I went to the bathroom and had brown spotting. I called my IM and she approved me going to the ER to get checked out. As soon as I got to the hospital I had red blood come out, and a clot. I had them check the clot to make sure it wasn't tissue, it was just blood. They did an ultrasound. We saw a baby measuring 7 weeks exactly, good bloodflow, and a strong heartbeat of 161. My cervix was closed up tight and beta was 23,002. No explanation for the bleeding or the cramping.

As soon as I got home I took a little tylenol and went to bed. I had no more cramping at all. I bled a little over night, but by morning it was only when I went to the bathroom. I stayed in bed from Sunday night until this morning (Wednesday). Tuesday the bleeding slowed to only showing up as I wiped and in the middle of the night, turned brown. I was excited thinking that was the end of it and we were okay. 

Today I went to my follow up ultrasound at my monitoring clinic. They couldn't find any evidence of anything we saw on Sunday at all. They sent me to a radiology lab who were very cold with us. The tech didn't say a word the entire time and kept a poker face. The radiologist didn't even speak to me. They called the monitoring clinic and then I had to call THEM for results. They didn't find anything at all, or at least wouldn't tell us what they did find.

Tomorrow I go to an OB for a follow up u/s and a beta to see if it's going down. Obviously, my IM is devastated. I did everything right, I did everything I could, yet I feel like a failure  I hope with all my heart she wants to try again but I know she doesn't want to go through this again.

How does this happen? How is there a 7wk old 1/2 cm baby in there with a healthy heartbeat one day, and then suddenly nothing at all? Why wouldn't I have had more cramping, more bleeding AFTER the ultrasound (the majority was before)?"


And then my update from today (Thursday):

"The dr appointment today went as expected, except that I burst into tears from the minute she walked in. We saw a tiny little sac where the baby was and saw my lining which was no longer very thick. It was comforting to be able to see it on the screen after not being allowed to look at the radiologist's yesterday, so I'm thankful she went through every thing with me. I got a beta done and they said it should be going down by heaps at the moment and next week I'll shed everything. I cried it out early this morning and finally fell asleep around 5am and woke back up at 7 with cramping and bleeding, and have been since then. As awful as this sounds, I'm ready to get the next week over with, because I know that every time I bleed I am going to think about it." 

I went to bed last night torn between wanting to grieve and wanting to hope for a miracle. I didn't sleep much, and finally gave in to the tears for a long while. I'm so devastated for I & J. I know how badly they want this, and I want so badly to fix this for them, though I know that right now the best thing I can do is rest up and heal, and when they want to try again, be there for them. If you're reading this now, please know that I'm thinking of you and praying for you constantly and wish this were so much different than it is.

I'll end tonight with a short prayer, because I know I'm going to end up in tears again.... but if you are a follower of the blog, please, please pray with me for I & J and their family. We don't know why God does what He does, but we do know that there are children waiting in Heaven for I & J and their family to meet some day and they will be perfect and have big wide open arms to hold them in.

Father, you know the pain and suffering your children have endured even to get to this point. I hate that they have to endure it yet again and wish I could make it so they didn't have to at all. I know you do too, but I know your ways are higher than our ways and I'm choosing to trust in those ways because you are our protector and see everything we can't see. Trusting in you is all I can do at this point, the only way to look right now is up. Father I'm choosing to praise you in this storm even though it's hard. Strengthen me because my arms and heart may be too weak to lift, and I need you. Please lift up I & J as well, give them strength and peace, and most of all hope. Show me the way to help them through it and be in my words and my thoughts and prayers toward them. Holy Spirit, intercede for them and wrap your arms of love around them. It's in Jesus name I pray... Amen.

To the Glory of the Father....

This song has absolutely nothing to do with surrogacy really, but for me the chorus really just sums up so much. I heard it for the first time today, and I fell in love with it.

Do Everything
by Steven Curtis Chapman

Lyrics:

You’re picking up toys on the living room floor
for the 15th time today
Matching up socks and sweeping up lost
Cheerios that got away
You put a baby on your hip and color on your lips
and head out the door
And while I may not know you I bet I know you
Wonder sometimes does it matter at all
We’ll let me remind you it all matters just as long as you

Do everything you do to the glory of the One who made you
Cause He made you to do
Every little thing that you do to bring a smile to His face
And tell the story of grace
With every move that you make
And every little thing you do

OOoh ooooh oooooh

Maybe you’re that guy with the suit and tie
Maybe your shirt says your name
You may be hooking up mergers, cooking up burgers
But at the end of the day

Little stuff big stuff in between stuff
God sees it all the same
And while I may not know you I bet I know you
Wonder sometimes does it matter at all
We’ll let me remind you it all matters just as long as you do

Everything you do to the glory of the One who made you
Cause He made you
To do every little thing that you do to bring a smile to His face
And tell the story of grace with every move that you make
And every little thing that you do

Well maybe you’re sitting in math class
Maybe anekatips on a mission in the Congo
Maybe you’re working at the office
Singing along with the radio
Maybe you’re dining at a five star
Or feeding orphans in Myanmar
Anywhere and everywhere you are
Whatever you do it all matters
So do what you do and don’t ever forget
to do

Everything you do to the glory of the One who made you
Cause He made you to do
Every little thing that you do to bring a smile to His face
And tell the story of grace as you do
Everything you do to the glory of the One who made you
Cause He made you to do
Every little thing that you do to bring a smile to His face
And tell the story of grace with every move that you make
And every little thing that you do

Ooh oooooh
Every little thing you d

Thanks to http://www.lyrics-celebrities.anekatips.com for the lyrics.




This song really for me just helps me remember to do everything for His glory and not my own, and reminds me that even when I think what I'm doing doesn't matter, or I'm not good enough at something... I, and what I do, matter, and bring a smile to God's face.

Anyway, just thought I'd share that. Everything I do ultimately I want to be for His glory. Including this surrogacy. <3 Hope you are having a great weekend!

It's beginning to look a lot like....

That's the lyric going through my head today, but it's not beginning to look like Christmas anywhere around here, especially not in the 100* days of Texas! But things are starting to look a lot like pregnancy! That's because it is, right?

My beta on Wednesday was 401, which means we doubled the numbers almost exactly! Leave it to my body to be textbook this one time. So officially, tomorrow morning I will be 5 weeks pregnant. Due date, according to the IVF calculator, puts us at around February 17, but we will have a different due date from every doctor and sonographer we see from here on out since they all "measure" it differently. So let's just say ohhh... Mid February.

When I blogged last, on Tuesday, I mentioned a few symptoms I'd had already. We can now add this to that list: Nausea. Today while I was out and about with my kids I had a huge wave of nausea come over me and we had to come home for a bit because I was not ready for it. I also could NOT for the life of me figure out what I wanted to eat for lunch, so when I chose something my kids like and ate it, my body pretty much said no way, and I couldn't even finish a kid's meal.

Later, I texted IM and let her know I was feeling very pregnant today. I was pleased to get back the response of "Do tell!" I responded back with what I felt, and hopefully conveyed at least some humor about it, because I don't at all want anyone to feel like I'm complaining. I know some people are thinking, "You signed up for it!" Yes, I did sign up for it, and I'm even happy about feeling it, because it means I'm helping God give my IPs the best gift they could ask for. So I am trying to convey that the best way I can while at the same time reminding myself that I'm allowed a little bit of "yuck," too, because that just comes with pregnancy.

So... YAY for feeling pregnant!

Up next: We're now ready to schedule the ultrasound (sonogram, whichever you want to call it) for July 7th so we can get a good look at the baby(ies) that are baking for the next 35 weeks or so! I'm thinking that this two weeks better hurry up, I can't wait to see!

This was a really great week and I'm so happy for my IPs! I'm also really impressed by the RE that we worked with. This is THREE out of THREE for my IPs. That's a REALLY great record! Hoping the next two weeks flies by and Summer is kind to me! Have a great weekend!

God you are awesome and I'm so blessed that I get to be involved in this amazing process of bringing the child(ren?) you created for I & J in to the world. Thank you for the little signs of pregnancy that have come already that make us excited to be "here." And thank you in advance for all the wonders that this pregnancy will bring us! I ask that you would show us a new joy in this journey every day, and that you would help me to be a light to others for you, in all I do. Show me the best way I can help I & J experience this pregnancy, to be sensitive in the words I use both here on the blog and in conversations, and to be a blessing to them in so many more ways than this. Bless the baby(ies) I'm carrying with good health, keep it/them growing strong, and keep it/them safe and tucked away until your time is perfect for it/them to join their family! It's all in your name I pray, Amen.

Howdy!

I forgot to blog between last week's positive pregnancy test, and beta, didn't I? I'm sorry! School's out for summer break and boy is my family trying to keep me busy! Between play dates, church, birthday parties, and family time, at the end of the day: I sleep well.

I will tell you this... the pregnancy test taken last Tuesday morning was the first of thirteen... yes, THIRTEEN. I became quite addicted to seeing that positive test line! At first, I took tests every few hours to see if the test got darker. When it did get a little darker, I decided one a day was fine. I took an Equate test on Friday morning and that was going to be my last one. Then Friday evening, I was backing out of my driveway and hit another car. It completely freaked me out, so to reassure myself that everything was okay, I took another test that night and the next morning. It felt reassuring. Then Saturday, while leaving a pool party/birthday party, my younger son, who doesn't know how to swim, fell into the water (completely dressed, no floaties on) and I had to jump in after him. Yes, I freaked out again. And yes, I took another test. My husband must think I'm nuts, and maybe so do you. I just know that some how, seeing that line helped me not freak out quite as badly. Also, it made me get more excited every time I saw it!

Beta was Monday morning, and I had lots of other surros and friend's cheering me on. We all knew I was pregnant, just didn't know how pregnant ;) A beta number over 5 is considered "pregnant." At 11 days past a 5 day transfer (11dp5dt) I was looking to see if my beta was at the very least a 50. After a nail-biting 7 hours, they FINALLY called with the results. 199! Definitely pregnant, and a good strong number.

Tomorrow is my repeat beta, and we're praying for the numbers to have at least doubled.

As far as symptoms go, really the only thing I can say that is pregnancy related is being extremely tired and not craving caffeine at all; though I have wanted more fruits than usual but that may be attributed to the fact that it's Summer! The other symptoms I can pinpoint to the medicines- bloated, gassy (TMI, right?) and very sore spots where I do my progesterone injections.

So aside from side effects, car wrecks, near drownings, and anything else, I AM really excited to be pregnant and so glad to be on this journey with I & J. I can't wait to see what the next 36 weeks brings!

Lord, thank you SO much for bringing us here, for giving the doctors the skill to help I & J for this third time in a row! I am so glad to be a part of the plan you have for I & J's family and for their little one(s) who is/are growing inside me as I type. Keep watch over it/them and me and keep us healthy and safe. I know you already know the results of tomorrows beta, and I put my hope in you- not in the numbers... even though I know you know how much we want to see a much higher number tomorrow. Take away any anxiety we have currently, and turn it into joy and excitement for the things that are to come. You are doing a great thing, and we are so thankful for it. And last but not least, help me Father to keep this something that in my heart truly is for you and for your glory, and not my own. It's all in your name, Amen.

Well............

So I have been having an awesome week so far! Sunday we kind of just chilled out, I still didn't want to overdo it. Sunday night I was feeling a little down because everything I was feeling could be explained by either the meds side effects or the coming of AF. I also had a tiny bit of cramping, not bad or painful, but it only lasted about 30 minutes or so. I chalked it up to gas and went to bed early. Monday was a great day, I went to my oldest's last day of school and helped the teachers have a great luncheon to end their year (and took home a ton of yummy leftovers).

I have a bunch of friends, who shall remain nameless, who are POAS pushers. They kept tempting me to take a test. I was determined to hold out til Tuesday. DETERMINED. And I think I ticked them off. Anyway, Monday night I was hanging out with DH here at the house and realized the last time I'd had any substantial caffeine was Friday. I did have a few sips here and there on Saturday and Sunday, but not enough to really matter. And I didn't have a headache. DH and I both knew then, I think.

All night long, I dreamed about taking a home pregnancy test. Seriously, all. night. long. They were all positives.

After taking DH to the train, I came home and ran to the bathroom to take a test. Even though DH was saying to wait til Wednesday so I wasn't disappointed. But after my dreams all night, how could I NOT?!

Yep, we did it!! The first tests I took (yes, I took two so I could know that one was not wrong) were faint, but definite positives. Here is a pic of the first one, on the top is the original image and on the bottom is a contrast enhanced image of the same test.

I immediately texted IM and let her know. She called me back a little bit later (I think both of us needed to compose ourselves, I was in tears) and was so happy!! I cried some more on the phone with her, too. I'm so excited to go on this journey, and it couldn't be with a better couple! I let her tell IF before I announced it on my Facebook, but immediately the congrats came pouring in. I'm so overwhelmed with joy that we did it, and gratefulness for all of the amazing support I know I have in my current friends, past friends, family, and fellow surrogates.

I am so excited and can't wait to see what the journey holds. 

Beta (blood test) is on Monday! Maybe I'll take guesses for beta #s later this week. You KNOW I'll be testing more to see the line get darker, and will probably take a digital test on Friday, but I'll post them when I can. 

Thank you for following what is sure to be an amazing journey and for praying for us! 

Father God you are amazing and I love you so much. Thank you for setting me on this path and finding just the right couple for me to help. I continue to ask your blessing on IM & IF as well as the two embryos we put in last week. Father may they have every thing they need to grow strong and healthy in there. Keep them and I as healthy as can be, and hold us in your hands each day. We lift YOU up and give YOU the praise for this because it would not have come about without your mighty hand preparing the way. You are wonderful God, and your grace is amazing. I love you and praise you for all you are doing and are going to do, thank you. In Jesus Name, always, Amen

Home again

I'm back home again!


This weekend was awesome, and I really did have a great time getting to know I, J, and their family! I got a lot of time to rest and settle these babies in, and Friday night IM and I had planned to watch a movie and eat popcorn and hang out... we never even started the movie! We stayed up and talked til around 1am! We got up yesterday morning and boy was I glad to be able to get up and move around (and shower!). We went to their son's baseball game and then to lunch with their family and then for a decent but HOT walk at an outlet mall and then back to their house to hang out for the afternoon.

They took great care of me and I was sad the weekend was over yesterday! So sad, in fact, that we decided I wanted to stay a few hours longer. I was supposed to come home on a flight at 4:25, but we called and changed it to the 8:20 flight. We hung out the rest of the afternoon taking it easy and just talking some more. As I was getting ready to get my stuff in the car, the airline called and said the flight had been delayed an hour and a half. (remember last flight home had been delayed and then canceled?!) So we stuck around their house for another hour instead of taking me to the airport just yet and joked about how they (the city) was holding me hostage. I guess they like me so much they don't want me to leave! Anyway, I finally did have to go to the airport and was able to fly out last night. I got home around 12:30 and pretty much just went to sleep.

Happy to be home with my family, but I miss my IPs and their family too! They made me feel very at home.

We are still very confident that this cycle worked and are still praying the babies dig in and make their home sweet home nice and comfortable.  Thanks for your thoughts and prayers to everyone who is reading and praying along with us. It really does mean a lot!

Father thank you for such an awesome weekend and for matching me with an amazing couple. I know you're doing amazing things already and I thank you for those things. Bless the embryos inside, help them to grow and make their home there. And keep us in perfect peace as we wait out the next week or so to see if they stuck around. I trust in your Holy Word that you have blessed me and called me for such a time as this and I ask that you would help me control any thoughts to the contrary. Thank you for the confidence we have in you. Help me to continue to be a light for you to others who are in this journey with me as well as those who are watching it from afar. Thank you again for the calling you have placed in me to do this. It's only for you, Amen!

Transfer day!

Last night I hopped on a plane and came out to where my IPs live for transfer day today. Everything getting on the flight was awesome, until we got to just east of the area we were landing in and there was a storm. A nice bright lightning storm was going on just to the north of us as we descended for landing. Kind of scary but far enough away from us that I wasn't worried. Just very bumpy going in.

We went to eat a late dinner and came home and I got settled in and slept peacefully all night. And we made it to transfer on time! Unfortunately, due to some extenuating circumstances at work, IM was unable to stay with me during transfer. I felt so bad for her! But her aunt was able to stay with me and I got to get to know her and enjoyed chatting while we waited.

Something interesting happened this morning and I really feel like I need to share it here before I tell you about transfer.

I have been determined lately to stay in God's Word and keep my spiritual life strong going into and through this journey. So I've been doing a lot more Bible reading and praying and a lot of working on my heart. So this morning, we were in a rush and I couldn't do a devotion on my computer before I left. While we (IM's aunt and I) were waiting, I got my phone out and went to my "You Version" app (the Bible app) and went to their devotion programs. I chose one that said a 21-day Women's Devotional, and started at day 1. The verses that it took me to were Luke 1:26-45 when the angel came to Mary and told her she would become pregnant, and when Elizabeth who was barren was pregnant with John. The verse that jumped out at me, other than the topic being impeccable timing, was verse 45 "Blessed is she who has believed that the Lord would fulfill his promises to her!" 

Anyway,  God is good and He shows His will in our lives in so many ways. As a friend on Facebook put it today, "He still speaks!" and I totally believe it.

Transfer went well, two great embryos were transfered, and as the doctor said, "They flew right in to right where they needed to go!" Then I laid on an incline for 20 minutes, grabbed breakfast, and came back to IPs house to sleep the day away.

So yay! Transfer went great, and I'm enjoying getting to know IPs and their two little boys. Tonight, obviously, we're praying those embies stick, stick, stick!! Pray with me?

Father God thank you so much for the awesome Word in Luke, and for showing it to me. I definitely believe you do what you say you are going to do and I know you have blessed my life beyond anything I could dream up already. Bless the little embryos that were placed inside today, grow them and form them and help them find the right place to burrow in for the next 38 weeks or so. I pray for the rest of this trip to go smoothly, for more awesome time with I & J, and for safe travel home. I know you are working in not only my body but in my heart, and I thank you for that. It's in Your Son's Name I come to you and pray, Amen

Getting ready to go!

At the moment, I'm getting ready to go and getting packed up to go see my IPs and have our transfer in the morning! I'll be taking my computer along and hopefully be posting from there as soon as I can get hooked up :)

I'm taking cake balls with me as a treat for their family, too!

Please pray for the travel to go smoothly, for the transfer to be successful, and for my bed rest time to be restful and plenty of time for the embryo(s) to burro in!! We appreciate your prayers!!

I'll up date soon!

Father God, you know the plan you have for all of us, for me as a surrogate, for I&J's family, and for the two embryos we will transfer tomorrow. Build the embryos up in thaw that they would be ready and able to settle in for the next 9 months. Thank you for the opportunity to do this for their family, I can't wait to get to know them over the weekend! Thank you for all the friends praying for us and for the confidence we have in you. It's in your name only, Amen!

Contortionist Needed

Yesterday morning I started my Progesterone in Oil via intramuscular injection (aka PIO). Since it's intramuscular, the clinic has me doing my injections for this medication in my back side. Fun, right?

For those not in the surro community already: wait til you see those needles! Oh, and not to mention the contortion needed in order to insert, slowly inject, remove the needle AND put pressure on the spot following removal.

Pictured: Friday morning's meds: Wall-itin for sinuses, tylenol for sinus headache, prenatal vitamins, and Estraidol (3x daily)), and the little tiny bottle is PIO. The needle packaging you see pictured is an 18 gauge needle (BIG) for drawing up the liquid into the syringe and a 25 gauge needle for injecting it, it's a much smaller needle thank God! (Compare to the 22 guage I had to use last cycle!) Then you can also see the alcohol swab and the ice pack. 

I set the ice pack in my waist band while I get my meds taken and my shot ready, it's very helpful. I use an alcohol swab to clean the top of the med vile, and another to swab the injection site- I also use it to swab the area afterward and put pressure on the spot area while massaging the medicine in. I haven't needed it yet, but I have a heating pad for when my bum is tired of all the shots and starts getting sore from them.

Anyway, that's my daily dosage for you! Many who read are surrogates, so I'm sorry if this was boring for you! But I love that many who read are not surrogates, so I hope this makes them (you) feel a part of the journey. I hope you are having a great weekend! 

Thank you so much God for everything you've done for us, and everything you are doing and will do. Thank you that so far taking the shots has not been an issue and that there have not been any more side effects than hunger from the lupron and/or a little bit of tears from the estrogen. Thank you God that this clinic lets me use the smaller gauge needle, too! Keep my eyes on you this week as I get ready, and fill our hearts with joy instead of anxiety as we all prepare. Bless I&J and their boys, bless IM as she prepares her heart this week. Keep her in your perfect peace. I ask, God, that you would keep me healthy this week, that I would be fresh and ready for transfer on Thursday. Keep our home safe, healthy, and protected from anything that would try to stand in the way of doing what you have called us to do. We love you, and praise you for everything you are and everything you've done. It's in your name I pray, Jesus, Amen.

Single Digit Countdown!

Today was my mid-cycle lining check and it went really great! My lining had the triple stripe and was 10mm thick on one side and 13mm thick on the other. He stuck with the 13mm number and said it looked great!

We have just 9 days til transfer and we are all getting excited!

This morning I sent my IM something in the mail that I hope makes her smile and brings her a little "luck" for the coming week. I can't wait til she gets it!

So the next week is going to be full of "get ready" errands, grocery shopping for the hubby and kids while they're at home, and somewhere in there, a pedicure for me! Green toenails, it is! (No rhyme or reason, it's just a transfer day tradition to wear green :) )

I have really been clinging to God's word and praying for His hands to go before us in this. The more I pray about it, the more confident I am in trusting Him. I know He has a plan for the embryos I & J have frozen, and can't wait to have a part to play in that plan.

That's all for today! I'll update again on Friday when I start progesterone shots! Have an awesome day :) Ending with a prayer.... please pray along with us if you haven't yet, and thank you if you have been!

Father God, I am full of gratefulness for the work you have done in my life and in my heart recently. There is much to say about the hope and light you bring to my life when I seek hard after you. I'm also very thankful for I & J and their family. I can't wait to take this journey with them. This week as we get ready, I ask that you would prepare our hearts for whatever the outcome, help us to keep our trust in you. Again I ask Lord that the medicines would do exactly what they are made to do, that my body would be ready, and that the doctors would know exactly where to put the embryos for their best chance at life. Bless the journey we are on and bless all those who are involved in the process.  I pray right now for I & J, that you would put a peace in their hearts, and help them to see that those who have gone before them are smiling down on them and interceding on their behalf now, too. Comfort them as they miss their loved ones who've gone to be with you, and give them new strength and hope each day. Thank you for your plan for our lives and the many blessings we have in our lives through your son, in Jesus Name I pray, Amen.

16 days!!!

We're counting down the days! Soon we'll be in the single digits!

Last Thursday I went to my previous clinic in Dallas for monitoring, it was great to see my old coordinator and the nurses again, and Dr. Saleh. I had blood work done and then had a quick ultrasound to check my lining. Once again, everything was perfect! Lining was nice and thin, and getting thinner ;)  I couldn't update that day though, due to Blogger outages, and then got busy this week, my apologies for the delay!

Saturday was the day to decrease Lupron and start Estraidol. Boy, I have to say... While I remembered that Lupron made me really hungry, I didn't realize how the difference in dosage would affect it. I was one starving lady! I found myself finishing my food and then helping my family finish theirs!! I'm still fairly hungry, but thankfully not as bad as I was last week. So thankful for the drop in dosage!

This week not much is going on. I had my physical with my regular doctor today and she's excited that everything is going well so far and looks forward to following my journey. Her nurse does a much better job at taking blood than the ones at SIRM though. I STILL have a bruise from last Thursday on my right arm. On my left, just a tiny little dot where she put the needle.

Tomorrow I increase my Estraidol to two pills a day and we work on building my lining back up on their terms. Next Tuesday I have another appointment to check my lining and we'll be praying for a triple stripe (thick) one!

So other than all of that, and a TON of cake balls over the weekend, there's not terribly much going on! More updates to come as the days draw closer!

I'll end my blog with a prayer, and a request that you pray for us too! It's a busy time for IM at her work, a busy time for me at home with my kids school year ending, and DH's job schedule is challenging at times. In all the things I'm doing day to day it is so easy to stop and pray sometimes, and especially right now, I need to pick up the pace in prayer and get wet in His Word and prepare for the journey ahead.

Father in Heaven, I just want to start by saying Thank You. Thank you for giving me the desire to do this. Thank you that you have given me everything I need to be able to do this. And thank you for introducing me to a wonderful couple to do this for. Thank you for your favor so far in every appointment we've been to, as well. I know that you know everything that my body needs to be doing right now, and I know you've already begun preparing my body for this journey. I also know that you have been preparing my heart for a long time now. Lord I continue to ask for your guidance, for your grace, and for a deeper passion for you as the days get closer to transfer. Keep me in the cleft of your rock and protect me from whatever may come that would try to make me doubt, that would try and get me down, that would try and get me sick or anything that would try and make this not happen. Keep me in your hand and help me to seek you each morning and stay in your presence so I can be fully prepared for all you have in store.


Father as the next two weeks are busy with the kids getting out of school, IM's busy time at work, and all the things we have to do leading up to transfer, again keep our focus on you and your will. I pray that you would show yourself a constant friend to I & J in the coming weeks, be with them, and draw them closer to you because you are the giver of life, and all things are possible through you.  Bless them and their children this week and make your face shine upon them and your glory go before them in their days. Put things in their paths that would make them smile and remember the good things you have done for them and will continue to do for them.  Again, I thank you for everything you've done this far to make this happen, and thank you for going before us all the way. Thank you for making what seems impossible possible and for shedding hope when there seems to be none. It's in you where the true hope is, and in your name, Jesus, we trust... Amen

How could I forget?

Well last night when I posted, I totally forgot that I would definitely be posting a first shot picture!!

Happy Lupron Day!

I took my first Lupron shot just a little while ago. It's really happening!

I got everything out and prepped to do my shot, did the shot, and then realized I forgot to take a pic, so what you're actually seeing is a new needle and all the stuff I used... lol

This morning I started my day out with an awesome prayer time and time to just read and be, and I think that is the best way to start my birthday! I feel so far like this is one of the best birthdays ever, and haven't done anything else but clean my house and take a shot!!

Getting Organized...

Happy May!! Today is May 1st, tomorrow I start Lupron injections and will be exactly one month from transfer.

When I last started meds, I set aside a cupboard for my meds, but it has long since been taken over by other family meds, so this time I had to get a little creative. I went to Target in search of the perfect container. There were a few options in the Rubbermaid aisle, and I had picked one, but wasn't thrilled about it. I looked in the bathroom accessories aisle at shower caddies that you would take to college, getting closer to what I want...We kept walking and I decided on a hunch to stop in the cleaning aisle. I found it. Perfect! A cleaning caddy... hahaha. It has a handle, two big sides, a place for my folder and my sharps box, and two smaller areas in the front for bottles. Perfect.

Here's a pic....

Complete with post-its as reminders for when to do what, and on each pill bottle I put the date I have to start them on a post-it as well.

The things we get excited about, right? 

Coming up this week:

Getting our side of the contracts signed/notarized and sending to the lawyers

Start Lupron (Monday)

Start new pack of BCP (Tuesday)

Planning trip for transfer!

Tomorrow also happens to be my birthday, so I'll be getting loopy on my 30th birthday! 

Happy Birthday to me!

I don't know if I'll update again this week, but if not, I hope you have an awesome week. 

And of course, I'll start off this awesome week with a prayer...

Father God you are so awesome! Thank you for bringing us to this place. Thank you for allowing me to be your servant and help I&J in this way. I thank you for all the things that have been coming into place so easily and I thank you that you will continue to lead us and guide us into this journey. Father as so many things are about to start happening, keep our eyes focused on your plans and your will. I pray that you would guard over my heart, my mind, and my body as I start meds this week. Watch over us and keep us in your perfect peace as we set about doing all the things you have prepared for us to do this week. Help us all to have a great week and keep our hope ultimately in you. 

In Jesus Name, Amen!

Perfect Day! (almost!)

Well, I'm home! Yesterday was my trip out to see "I" and go to the clinic! I left my house at 7am and got on a plane to go and everything went off without a hitch. I felt a little under-dressed at the airport though, Monday mornings are full of business men and women in suits, and there I was in jeans and tennis shoes!


IM and I met up at the airport and went to her house for a little bit before going to lunch at a Mexican food place... hehehe baaaaaaaad idea before going to the RE. BAD. Don't do it. My tummy was rumbling during the appointment so bad! (And I say this while laughing about it, so while it's funny, this is probably a tip to remember ;) )


"I" and I talked a lot and had a ton of fun. We have so much in common and I can't wait to go back for transfer!

Our appointment was at 1:30... I didn't go to the restroom after lunch because I knew my bladder needed to be somewhat full. I filled out the paperwork and met with the coordinator and then went into the ultrasound room and waited for them to get started. And waited. And waited. I fell asleep! It was more than half hour before they finally came in. (I still had to go to the bathroom!) FINALLY they did the ultrasound and everything they needed to do. I heard the word "Perfect!" at least twice in that room. Then I finally got to empty bladder and went to do the hysteroscopy and mock transfer, where I again heard the word "Perfect!" at least three times. It was VERY encouraging and I love the Dr.

After we were done IM and I were getting the calendar with the coordinator and he came in to see her (she has two prev surro babies also done at his clinic) and he used that "P" word again. Way to set the expectations!

I am to start Lupron on my birthday (May 2nd), and then we'll go from there and have a transfer on June 2nd!

This protocol calls for Lupron, Estrogen and PIO. My last transfer I did the estrogen via injection, however this one is via oral medication which increase as the calendar goes on.

I'm really looking forward to this cycle and working with my IM. She's a blast!


Unfortunately our day was cut short when I realized almost right after the appointment that I had to get back to the airport really quickly. We didn't expect the appointment to go til almost 4:30 and thought we had more time. I got to the airport about an hour before boarding time and ate dinner and played on my phone. We boarded the plane (which was pretty empty = only 30 people) and then we were set to take off... but then they made us come back to the gate for mechanical issues. After about 2.5 hours the flight was finally canceled. 


I was going to go stay at IMs house to go back to the airport this morning but was able to get a 6am flight out and would have had to have IM take me at 4:30AM to the airport. I didn't want to do that to her, so I took the hotel the airline offered because it was in walking distance of the airport. We had to arrange child drop offs this morning because it's a BIG day at my hubby's work and if he didnt get there on time he'd have been fired. I'm so thankful for helpful friends, otherwise, this morning would NOT have been good. The flight home was full of sleepy people from last night and tons of businessmen. However, right behind me was a man who was coughing non stop. I'm so glad for the antibiotic the clinic has me on!


 I'm glad to be home finally, it was very frustrating last night. I'm also glad we didn't get in the air with mechanical problems. Not to mention my phone died at the airport last night, I used someones charger to be able to arrange childcare, and it died when I got to the hotel. I used his charger again really quick before the flight this morning and was able to coordinate my pick up time right before it died again. 


Today is my little one's 5th birthday, and I'm so glad I was home in time to give him a hug when he got home from school.


Ending today's post with a short prayer:


Father God you are so awesome! Thank you for matching me up with someone so fun and who I have a lot in common with and can talk easily with. Yesterday couldn't have gone better as far as meeting her and going to the clinic went. I'm so excited to see what you have in store for us all in the coming months. I ask you to keep your hands in everything we do in the coming months, protect us, guide us, and most of all Father, ready me to be the vessel that brings this family another baby. Help keep us focused on you, no matter the outcome. Let the medicines do their job exactly as needed and guide the doctors and nurses in their part in all of this. I'm so thankful I get to work with this couple and so thankful I can serve you in this way. It's all for you, Jesus. Amen!

Just Checkin' In...

Well it's not much but it does mean we're getting somewhere! I start birth control pills on Tuesday (for timing)! We are still getting contracts together, but everything is worked out on our end, now we're just waiting on our awesome lawyers to do their part.

I'm excited that in just over a week I'll be going to their clinic and getting things going!

Flyin' Right Along

This week we have been on a mission to get things moving! After trying to figure out what happens next and what we need to do to make things happen, yesterday we set up an appointment at the clinic where I & J live for April 18th. I need to get a hysteroscopy and a mock transfer, and then we can start meds and prepare for a transfer in the first week of June.

Last night we got tickets set up for me to fly there and back the day of my appointment. I'm so excited!

Up this week: Finishing the contract, hopefully!

God, thank you again for bringing I & J into our lives so we can help them in this way. Keep our minds, focus, and hearts on you. I pray that you would keep us all healthy this week and direct our steps as we get ready to  take this journey together. It's all for you, Amen.

Long time, no see!!

Surprise! It's an update from me!! I know, I know, I should update more... but when there is nothing going on, there's not much to update.

Now there is!

After hearing from my last IPs that they weren't continuing with surrogacy, I waited and prayed for about a week trying to decide how to go about finding another couple to work with. Then I posted an ad on the surromomsonline.com classifieds to see where that would lead me. I received a lot of e-mails from intended parents, and plenty from interested agencies, none of those went past the first few emails or conversations. One e-mail, however, was not from a couple or an agency. It was from a local infertility counselor who had a couple she wanted me to consider. I emailed her back and we talked over the phone about it and she sent each of us the other's information. It wasn't long before we were getting to know them, and decided this was the couple we wanted to work with!

I & J are from Texas (but not the Dallas area), have two children from previous surrogacies and have plenty of embryos to work with, and I'm so excited at the prospect of helping them!

Saturday was my psych eval with the infertility counselor who set us up.  Meeting her and having lunch with her was so relaxed and like talking with an old friend, I was so pleased with how it went! Now this week we will be getting everything set up with their RE and try and coordinate things between here and where they live.

Until we talk with the RE and figure out how they want to do things, we have no idea when our cycle will happen, but we are praying for May.

I would be so thankful if you could join me in praying for continued good things for this match, and also if you could pray for I & J who have gone through a lot already but have had an especially hard week this last week.

Father in Heaven, thank you so much for bringing I, J, and their precious children into my life. I pray that you would prepare the road ahead for us, light the path we tread on, and keep our hearts fixed on you as we take this journey. Thank you for the good embryos they have frozen and for their previous successful surrogacies leading the way. Comfort I & J this week in their time of heartache, give them the peace that passes all understanding, turn their mourning to dancing and their sorrow to joy. Lift their eyes toward you so they can see the one they lost is not lost at all, but waiting for them. I pray this all in your Holy Name, Jesus, Amen.

Moving forward...

A quick update, today. I got an email this week that I've been kind of sitting on and thinking about, and praying over.

J & J have decided to pursue their fertility issues a bit more and get some more testing done, and have decided to put surrogacy on hold for the moment. I am sad that we will not be moving forward, however, I do pray and hope the best for them, success, health, and happiness.

For me, this means I am searching again. This is the part of the process that seems to take forever. I do know the right couple is out there, and that there is a reason for everything. I don't know why things went this way with J & J but I have to keep the faith that God has the right couple waiting for me.

Father, thank you for the time I had getting to know J & J. Thank you for letting me be part of their lives even just for a little while, and for the part of my life that they got to be, too. I pray that they will find success in their path to parenthood, and/or peace for the road that lies ahead. For me, I pray that you would show me clearly the path I need to take in the coming months. May I seek first your Kingdom above all because it's all for you. In your Son's Precious Name, Jesus, Amen.